


I Will Never Forget

by DearHeartx



Series: Fictober 2018 [11]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-21 05:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30016893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearHeartx/pseuds/DearHeartx
Summary: Solas POV stream of consciousness after he leaves Skyhold.
Relationships: Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age)
Series: Fictober 2018 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802731





	I Will Never Forget

I know how she saw me. I was her biggest confidant, her anchor in a storm of nobles and demons, her fenor. But all of that changed. It aches when I recall the venom in her eyes at our last goodbye, how she swore to me the next time she saw me she’d kill me. How she accused me of being everything the Dalish say I am. The thing about accusations…the truer they are, the more they tend to hurt. The Dalish say I am a Trickster, a Liar, a god of Deceit and Deception. I say everything I do, every lie I tell…it’s all for the greater good. But Lavellan? Everything I did for her…everything I did to her…that was self-serving pride. I thought I could have everything and not lose my way. I thought I could maintain my sense of self, my identity as Solas, and still be able to commit the blood acts that must be brought to fruition for the elvhen to rise again. It was a mistake that she has paid for many times over. I took her heritage, her gods, I even took her ability to be accepted back into her clan. But worse than all of that, I betrayed her. I swore my love to her, my loyalty, my companionship. And all along I knew what we were fighting. I knew she’d be fighting me, in the end. 

She thought it was all a trick, all a lie. That my relationship with her was a means to an end, a way to stay close to the powers of the Inquisition. But she didn’t know that I will never forget…

I will never forget the way she smelled of verbena and elfroot, even after three weeks on the road. 

I will never forget the way she’d hum a silly Dalish lullaby whenever she was trying to focus.

I will never forget the way no matter how hard she tried or what oils Josephine brought her, there was always one errant curl by her right ear.

I will never forget the way my heart swelled with pride when she volunteered to stay behind to fight for Haven or the way my gut clenched in fear when she didn’t arrive at the rendezvous shortly after.

I will never forget the fear her eyes when she kissed me, thinking I didn’t feel the same for her or the fervor with which I kissed her back, so she’d never doubt me again. 

I will never forget the rage and pain she felt for Wisdom, a spirit she didn’t even know; a reflection of her kind and empathetic soul that have yet to see matched by anyone in all the millennia I’ve lived.

I will never forget the way she’d laugh when she was upstairs in library, poking fun at Dorian; lighthearted, fun loving, but still always kind.

I will never forget her sour mood every time she had been woken up too early after falling asleep too late, begging for just five more minutes of sleep.

I will never forget how she snuck into my tent at camp, under the pretense of needing her staff’s crystal reattached. I had barely asked to see the crystal when her lips found my own.

I will never forget that ridiculous barn cat that hated everyone—Lavellan included—but she wouldn’t leave it to the Red Templars. She carried it back to Skyhold, collecting scratch after scratch and a couple bites, just to make sure it was safe, warm, and well fed.

I will never forget the warmth I felt when I held her in my arms, swaying her in the gentle dance of a Dalish marriage ceremony at the Winter Palace. Her mouth pressed against my ear as she whispered how she wished we could dance this dance for her clan one day. I told her we could. I believed it, too.

I will never orget the way her breath hitched when I told her I loved her, lips swollen and hands aching to touch more of her.

And I will never forget the way her eyes glazed over as my magic struck her in the chest, my name to be the last word on her lips, as her legs give way and she falls to the cold earth. 

Oh, ma Vhenan. I will never forget.


End file.
